This was one of the most difficult years in my life. Somewhere along the way I became lost. I started mourning the loss of the “good ol’ times” and began thinking, “What the hell! This isn’t how I imagined my life would be right now.” All of a sudden it was like I woke up and- poof! My marriage was hanging on by a single thread. My career, though lucrative, was now a constant grey area of new and unfamiliar responsibilities and struggles. My tribe of friends disappeared into the clouds of their own lives. And family issues, of course, had reared their ugly heads.
In 2015, I got married. That whole year I lived in a drunken haze of happiness and support and attention of so many. I had my feet firmly planted in work and at home. Then in 2016, when the buzz wore off from the rainbows and butterflies, it was as if my life suddenly became a dark and gloomy cloud of blah.
Somewhere in the middle of the year, I finally threw my arms up and screamed at The Universe, “I am getting help!” I said it with as much authority as a kid threatening to tell mom because, of course, mom would fix it. I believed “getting help” would be the mom coming to the rescue. Little did I know then, that was the light peaking through the dark thunder clouds of my life.
I started seeing a therapist. I’m sure that sounds cliché, typical in fact. But it was more than that. It was a declaration to finally take care of me.
Seeing a therapist was just the bud that would eventually bloom into a flower of self discovery. I started reading “self-help” books. I started feverishly searching for more and more “help”. That small peaking stream of light started to become a gleaming ray of sunshine starting to warm me.
See, I learned that taking care of me isn’t selfish. I didn’t have to be a martyr, sacrificing myself for the “greater good”. If you run a car low on gas long enough, you will sputter then die- on a country road 10 miles away from the nearest gas station. You will be no good to anyone.
I had hit my breaking point. I felt alone in all of my doings. But, changing my way of thinking brought a sense of peace. Just knowing I was making the first steps in self-care was liberating.
When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person that walked in. That’s what the storm is all about.
Every single thing you go through in this life molds and shapes you into the person you are today. Changing your way of thinking will affect the outcome. The storm won’t go away, but you will be prepared with your rain boots and umbrella and then splash in the puddles.
I could have chosen to curl in a ball and cry and let all my struggles take over my life like an evil dictator. But, I chose to make a stand, reach out for help and inner peace, and to show gratitude.
the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.
I know it’s hard to show gratitude to The Universe for what it feels like being grounded to an eternal hell. But here it goes…
It’s been a tough one, but I thank you. Thank you for teaching me that I am stronger than I thought and for giving me the strength to persevere through my struggles. Thank you for not allowing me to give up or lose hope or my sense of self. Thank you for introducing me to a more spiritual life and for kickstarting my journey to self discovery. Thank you for showing me that I am important and that it is selfless to take joy and find peace in self care. Thank you for make me more aware, mindful, and present. I am thankful for even the little time I had with my tribe and I am thankful for new or rekindled friendships. Thank you for pushing me and giving me the courage at work and at home. And finally I am thankful for what 2017 has to offer me. With my new learnings, I know I will be better equipt to deal with the bumps in the road. I can feel, in fact I know, 2017 will bless me with great promise of amazing opportunities and new chapters in my journey. To 2017, you will be my best year for I am a better person because of 2016. I look forward to what is to come and I am ready to conquer my life, love, and enjoy more laughter.
More importantly, thank you to my readers and supporters. Though we may have never met, you give me reason. And I would like you to be the first to know that because of you and 2016, I have decided to take writing this blog to the next level. I have decided to start writing my first book. I am so grateful to you. Without all of you, I would never have thought I could.
This has turned into more than just beauty blog, this is more than just life. We are all on a journey. A journey that throws curves balls one day and sets off fireworks the next. But because of you, I know I am not alone in any of my trials or tribulations. And I hope because of me, you have learned something that has helped you along the way, too.
We are all on this Earth together and we all only get one life. Enjoy it. Show gratitude. Be present. And for heavens sake, love YOU! You rock. You kick ass. And I know 2017 will be your best year yet too.